convention
I went to the homeschool convention on Saturday needing rest. Strangely enough, I hoped to find solace in being among the thousands that milled around vendor booths and attended workshops designed to encourage, support and inform homeschooling moms and dads.
Without kids and without responsibilities, I could just be. Just be, I thought. That is what I have needed.
So I rose before the sun came up, drove to a friend's house where we all piled into her four door sedan and began my day of listening, watching and waiting for direction.
Where do I go with this, Lord?
What is the right choice for my family?
I need you to speak.
I am not a crowd person. I would rather meet with a few friends in a small group, have one on one conversations.
I walked through currents of people as if I were alone, just being quiet, reflecting, praying, singing to myself. I soaked in the anonymity, the absence of sleeve-tugging and attention-dividing needs.
In the vendor hall, I walked straight into the first row and happened to find the one booth I had put on top priority- one that sold writing curriculum. After a long conversation with the exhibitor, a small flame was kindled in my heart. Teaching my children how to think well, write well, express themselves and their ideas in a way that was effective. Having fun with writing, not as a drudgery, but a joy to be able to convey to others what is on your heart and mind. That is my passion.
Then a seminar on raising our kids in a culture that consistently comes against the idea of absolute truth, seeking instead to make them by-products of a system where all truth, all beauty, all goodness is in relative terms. I want to raise my kids to walk confidently in who they are, what they believe, where they are going...
Another walk through the vendor hall, not allowing the vastness of resources to overload my senses (by Grace alone!)- just stopping when something caught my eye. Finding a geography curriculum that takes students around the world, connecting on the way to literature and ideas that give meaning and context to basic mapping skills and directions. All education is about connections, about relationships.
Then anothe seminar. This one is for me. How to keep homeschooling when you are exhausted. We have always gone year by year, praying and deciding through each season whether or not to continue. This season has brought variables and conditions into our family life that I hadn't expected. Seemingly insurmountable odds that are against wanting to educate our kids at home. Friends and family tell us to check out other options, that it's okay to put the kids in school. Yes, it is. But is it the best choice? I really don't know.
I walk up to the podium at the close and exchange a few words with the speaker. She has educated her five boys, now teenagers and young adults, at home with only one exception. I ask her if she ever took a season off. I explain to her my situation. She says two things to me that impress my mind. I don't know how God is leading you. But the second speaks to my heart: You probably are placing demands on yourself that are too high.
I walk out of the hall feeling as if God really spoke a very simple, yet poignant word to my heart. I struggle with my own need for perfection, with the relentless drive of performance and with needing to please others. Homeschooling has taught me probably more about myself than any other, save my marriage. As much as I have taught my kids, the experience has taught me.
I haven't yet made my choice. I don't feel like I need to make it right now and I still plan to tour a few schools around the area. But either way, I am praying for a fresh vision, a larger view of raising kids and family that will guide my decisions about their education. Thankfully, Steve is supportive either way.
This process has tapped into the larger aspect of my life and faith-- who do I rely on? when times are difficult, how do i thrive? how do i make decisions?
I am so thankful for a day of walking, listening and just being. When I arrived home, my kids and husband had decorated the house for my birthday. I just hugged and smiled and enjoyed them. Being away for a time made me long for home. I needed that.
#84 mint tea in cheerful mugs with my kids
#85 a long, lingering weekend with Steve
#86 praying redemption into the past
#87 eating cherry italian ice
#88 emmy ignoring the toys on the floor instead of chewing them
#89 pink and purple streamers
#90 finding books that inspire and encourage
#91 God waiting for me
#92 rest
Without kids and without responsibilities, I could just be. Just be, I thought. That is what I have needed.
So I rose before the sun came up, drove to a friend's house where we all piled into her four door sedan and began my day of listening, watching and waiting for direction.
Where do I go with this, Lord?
What is the right choice for my family?
I need you to speak.
I am not a crowd person. I would rather meet with a few friends in a small group, have one on one conversations.
I walked through currents of people as if I were alone, just being quiet, reflecting, praying, singing to myself. I soaked in the anonymity, the absence of sleeve-tugging and attention-dividing needs.
In the vendor hall, I walked straight into the first row and happened to find the one booth I had put on top priority- one that sold writing curriculum. After a long conversation with the exhibitor, a small flame was kindled in my heart. Teaching my children how to think well, write well, express themselves and their ideas in a way that was effective. Having fun with writing, not as a drudgery, but a joy to be able to convey to others what is on your heart and mind. That is my passion.
Then a seminar on raising our kids in a culture that consistently comes against the idea of absolute truth, seeking instead to make them by-products of a system where all truth, all beauty, all goodness is in relative terms. I want to raise my kids to walk confidently in who they are, what they believe, where they are going...
Another walk through the vendor hall, not allowing the vastness of resources to overload my senses (by Grace alone!)- just stopping when something caught my eye. Finding a geography curriculum that takes students around the world, connecting on the way to literature and ideas that give meaning and context to basic mapping skills and directions. All education is about connections, about relationships.
Then anothe seminar. This one is for me. How to keep homeschooling when you are exhausted. We have always gone year by year, praying and deciding through each season whether or not to continue. This season has brought variables and conditions into our family life that I hadn't expected. Seemingly insurmountable odds that are against wanting to educate our kids at home. Friends and family tell us to check out other options, that it's okay to put the kids in school. Yes, it is. But is it the best choice? I really don't know.
I walk up to the podium at the close and exchange a few words with the speaker. She has educated her five boys, now teenagers and young adults, at home with only one exception. I ask her if she ever took a season off. I explain to her my situation. She says two things to me that impress my mind. I don't know how God is leading you. But the second speaks to my heart: You probably are placing demands on yourself that are too high.
I walk out of the hall feeling as if God really spoke a very simple, yet poignant word to my heart. I struggle with my own need for perfection, with the relentless drive of performance and with needing to please others. Homeschooling has taught me probably more about myself than any other, save my marriage. As much as I have taught my kids, the experience has taught me.
I haven't yet made my choice. I don't feel like I need to make it right now and I still plan to tour a few schools around the area. But either way, I am praying for a fresh vision, a larger view of raising kids and family that will guide my decisions about their education. Thankfully, Steve is supportive either way.
This process has tapped into the larger aspect of my life and faith-- who do I rely on? when times are difficult, how do i thrive? how do i make decisions?
I am so thankful for a day of walking, listening and just being. When I arrived home, my kids and husband had decorated the house for my birthday. I just hugged and smiled and enjoyed them. Being away for a time made me long for home. I needed that.
#84 mint tea in cheerful mugs with my kids
#85 a long, lingering weekend with Steve
#86 praying redemption into the past
#87 eating cherry italian ice
#88 emmy ignoring the toys on the floor instead of chewing them
#89 pink and purple streamers
#90 finding books that inspire and encourage
#91 God waiting for me
#92 rest
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