Staying in Week Four: Rest

                      One of the hidden blessings in staying home is that we have space in our schedules to do some things that we have kept putting off.  A friend asked me what I thought about doing a financial planning course together with our teens. Yes! Something that we really should have been doing years ago and didn’t ever seem to find the time. Insert two to three hours on Saturdays to watch the videos, take the online assessments and have a zoom chat.

          A Facetime book group and teatime with my girls and their cousin on Wednesdays? What a great way to build their relationships and span the distance. A bible study with a neighbor who is seeking to know Christ, perhaps for the first time, in a personal way? Absolutely! I’m learning new things about my foundation of faith in Christ and thoroughly enjoy the time sitting (six feet apart) on my friend’s deck while we discuss who God is, who we are and what His purpose is for us.

          All of these new things are GOOD. We have lost so much of what we had before, as a homeschooling/private school hybrid family. Some of these losses were welcome: early morning commutes to school, the back and forthing to music, sports and activities, the exhaustion from an overfilled life with five kids.

          We also lost the precious times of gathering together with friends, the exhilaration and motivation of practicing a sport with a team, the structure and expectation of classes, music groups, growing through face to face interaction. And the blessings of worshipping Christ together in the same place on Sundays.

          Amidst this change, I am sensing a restlessness, perhaps a quiet grieving that leads me to seek out something to replace what I’ve lost. I want to fill in the gaps as quickly as possible, desperately wanting to feel more, do more and bring my life back to where it was before. I keep looking for things to do, projects that I’ve put off, ideas to set in motion. Because I have more time.

          I saw this in myself yesterday when the girls and I were listening to the audiobook of Fever 1793, their next book title. I’ve been enjoying reading along with the girls. My littlest snuggled on my lap and we were listening intently to the recording, but my eyes kept darting from the laundry pile on the couch, to the computer next to me, wondering what I could be doing during this time. Surely I could multi task a bit more. Yet when I went to put my little one down, she shook her head, “No, Mama. Let’s snuggle.” I looked at her and sighed. Then it struck me how much I just needed to sit with her and snuggle. I didn’t need to do laundry. I didn’t need to catch up on emails. Or write some more. I just needed to be where I was.

          It seems like the “doing more” doesn’t just come when we are physically in a schedule that keeps us in and out of the car like a driving service. It’s also in the quieter times, nagging at our hearts and stealing away the contentment and the peace that Christ tries to lead in into as His Beloved. Psalm 23 has been my go-to psalm for staying-in mornings, while Psalm 91 is my go-to at night.

          “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing…” If I begin with the starting point that Christ is the One who is leading me, I will also choose to start my day placing myself before Him, acknowledging His Lordship in my life and taking time to talk with him about my day’s priorities. If I begin my day truly believing that I lack nothing, then I will proceed into the day in a contented way, not rushing forward to fill my day with things I think I need.

          What if this day, as different and weird as it seems compared to my normal day’s schedule, is exactly what He ordained for me long ago? Then can I stop and just praise Him for His goodness, faithfulness and love without complaining about how different and weird and empty it feels?

          What if the gaps were not all meant to be filled in? What if I am being given this time partially because I am always trying to fill in the gaps of time and He knows that this is unsustainable for the life of His Beloved child, whose heart and mind need quiet, rest and margins of time of unplanned time.

          Perhaps this is why in Isaiah, the Lord gives us all this invitation:

“Come, all you who are thirsty,

Come to the waters;

And you who have no money,

Come, buy and eat!

…Why spend money on what is not bread,

And your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,

And you will delight in the richest of fare.” (Is. 55:1-2)

          This may not be the time that I thought it would be. My April calendar has been cleared of previous commitments, and new ones are being added daily. God knows each moment of each day of each month of each year of our lives, and He doesn’t leave anything to chance. His purposes prevail for us,  regardless of a worldwide pandemic. He knew every detail of every day of our staying in. And He designated our time for GOOD. And that includes resting, instead of filling, and allowing Him to lead us so that we can truly be RESTORED.

Solo dei gloria