every perfect gift

Autumn came slowly this year, in an erratic burst of color resulting from a pre-season cold snap, then was arrested for a blissfully long segment of summer-like temperatures in October. Early November finally shut the book on summer with gusty, cold drizzle and overcast skies. Temperatures dipped in the night and then Autumn took off again, with radiant reds, oranges and gold.

I have conflicting feelings towards autumn. It is most certainly not my favorite month. The waning rays of the sun tend to affect my moods, a condition which is helped by large doses of Vitamin D throughout the grey months. I tend to pine for summer for several weeks, while I shuffle through my winter clothes to figure out what still fits and how to keep warm when my body feels perpetually cold in a somewhat drafty house.

We've only experienced a true Autumn in two of our ten homes in the almost twenty years since college in a rural Vermont town. Living in Florida and Jordan gave us the feeling that we just bypassed the transition seasons and lived in sun all year round, with a few minor disturbances.

In spite of my dislike for the cold and for the lack of sunlight, when autumn's hues peak, I am always undone. Today, while driving home from a boisterous trip to the playground and then Starbucks for a hot drink with my husband and little girls, I felt that I caught a glimpse of Heaven's glory. As we drove to the peak of a hill, the sun, low in the sky, struck the trees to our right. It was like an illumination- the already deep colors of red and yellow were struck radiant. I wish I had words for it.

Soli Deo Gloria. 

For a fleeting moment. Then the sun continued to sink lower into the sky until, at an hour that seems too early each day, night came. And with the continued rain, leaves fall and collect on roads, lawns and in gutters until all that is left is the barest of branches.

Why is the glory so quick to fade, the beauty so fleeting from one day to the next? It seems like we enjoy moments of beauty, joy, love, goodness and then they are gone.  Deep inside, I long for a day when everything is made new, imperishable and unfading. Perhaps what I feel is not just a personal vendetta against a season, but a realization that in the here and now, everything is moving towards decay. And that space inside me knitted together in a dark place by God refuses to be permanently filled.

And Autumn, like every season, is not meant to last, but to serve its purpose. The trees rest. They wait. They prepare for the next awakening.

I can accept that.

I would rather enjoy the beauty for a moment, even if it fades. And just the remembrance of it can bring hope, for the coming Glory.

Every good gift and 

every perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of lights, 

with whom there is 

no variation or shadow 

due to change.

James 1:17 ESV