the quest for christmas in jordan
Steve waited in the car while I ran into Zain and Zatar, the grocery store just a few blocks from our home. Though it is small, I can usually find mostly everything I need to fill in between big trips to the larger groceries like Cozmo and Safeway. With a clientele that includes a majority of foreigners, Z&Z also stocks imported goods.
Like candy canes.
I have been searching for candy canes for weeks. When I saw them on the shelf, I grabbed up six of the hooked candies. Two for each of the kids, or one for each and enough to make peppermind bark.
"One JD each," declared the cashier after eyeing the candy canes on the conveyor belt. A quick mental calculation brought the total amount to almost $9.00.
Ouch.
I quickly took three away and decided that the kids would be satisfied with one each and no peppermint bark this year.
(But I did buy the $12 bag of pecan halves to make candied pecans.)
I'm trying so hard to make Christmas seem "christmas-ier," cozier, more like home. When I took out my boxes to decorate, I discovered that all of my ornaments and most of the nicer (ie. non-broken) decorations didn't make it into the shipment. (I'm praying that they are in storage, not lost!) The lights didn't make it either, so I went out and bought three strands of LED Christmas lights for $42. Both of my boys got shocked when they tried to string the new lights on the tree and in inspecting the strands, we discovered exposed wires fanning out of the string. A trip to the Ace Hardware in a nearby mall (yes, in the mall!) and a coating of electrical tape did the trick. The intense blue-ish LED lights just don't seem cozy to me.
What is it that I want?
What am I longing for?
I have been surprised to see Christmas lights strung around small ornament trees outside of houses in my neighborhood. At least two stores in our little cluster of shops are devoted to the selling of extra-decadent Christmas chocolates and rococo-inspired decorations (I didn't know that elves wore taffeta and lace?). A nearby florist actually looks like it has icicles and snow adorning its roof. Certain pockets of Jordanians enjoy the marketing of Christmas.
Amid all of this, I feel an emptiness in my heart.
We have been sitting together at night as a family for an advent devotional and talk about making Christ the center of the season. We teach our children that He is why we give gifts, decorate a tree, celebrate Christmas.
Yet in this season, I strive for the wind, grasping for a feeling that really isn't at all what Christmas is about. I run around trying to fill the void in me with candy canes, pecans and Christmas cookies. I want to be comfortable, cozy and happy.
Mary, over nine months pregnant, making the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, certainly was not comfortable. Having to give birth amid the stench of animals and hay was not cozy. God coming to earth with a cry and a rush of blood and water wasn't neat and tidy. It was messy, uncomfortable and more unlike home than I could ever imagine.
Yet it was Glory-filled, it was Joyous and it was Divine. And the only reference I could find to Mary's response to the events that took place in her and through her were this:
"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. " (Luke 2:19)
What it is I am longing for? To meet Christ this season, to have Him chip away at the hardness I have been feeling for so long. To hear His voice, be it ever so softly. Am I willing to stop striving for the wind? Will I quiet my thoughts enough to stop and treasure up all that Christ has done for me, taking time to ponder these things in my heart?
Lord, by Your Grace alone can I do these things. To stop striving and know that YOU are God.
soli deo gloria.
Like candy canes.
I have been searching for candy canes for weeks. When I saw them on the shelf, I grabbed up six of the hooked candies. Two for each of the kids, or one for each and enough to make peppermind bark.
"One JD each," declared the cashier after eyeing the candy canes on the conveyor belt. A quick mental calculation brought the total amount to almost $9.00.
Ouch.
I quickly took three away and decided that the kids would be satisfied with one each and no peppermint bark this year.
(But I did buy the $12 bag of pecan halves to make candied pecans.)
I'm trying so hard to make Christmas seem "christmas-ier," cozier, more like home. When I took out my boxes to decorate, I discovered that all of my ornaments and most of the nicer (ie. non-broken) decorations didn't make it into the shipment. (I'm praying that they are in storage, not lost!) The lights didn't make it either, so I went out and bought three strands of LED Christmas lights for $42. Both of my boys got shocked when they tried to string the new lights on the tree and in inspecting the strands, we discovered exposed wires fanning out of the string. A trip to the Ace Hardware in a nearby mall (yes, in the mall!) and a coating of electrical tape did the trick. The intense blue-ish LED lights just don't seem cozy to me.
What is it that I want?
What am I longing for?
I have been surprised to see Christmas lights strung around small ornament trees outside of houses in my neighborhood. At least two stores in our little cluster of shops are devoted to the selling of extra-decadent Christmas chocolates and rococo-inspired decorations (I didn't know that elves wore taffeta and lace?). A nearby florist actually looks like it has icicles and snow adorning its roof. Certain pockets of Jordanians enjoy the marketing of Christmas.
Amid all of this, I feel an emptiness in my heart.
We have been sitting together at night as a family for an advent devotional and talk about making Christ the center of the season. We teach our children that He is why we give gifts, decorate a tree, celebrate Christmas.
Yet in this season, I strive for the wind, grasping for a feeling that really isn't at all what Christmas is about. I run around trying to fill the void in me with candy canes, pecans and Christmas cookies. I want to be comfortable, cozy and happy.
Mary, over nine months pregnant, making the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, certainly was not comfortable. Having to give birth amid the stench of animals and hay was not cozy. God coming to earth with a cry and a rush of blood and water wasn't neat and tidy. It was messy, uncomfortable and more unlike home than I could ever imagine.
Yet it was Glory-filled, it was Joyous and it was Divine. And the only reference I could find to Mary's response to the events that took place in her and through her were this:
"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. " (Luke 2:19)
What it is I am longing for? To meet Christ this season, to have Him chip away at the hardness I have been feeling for so long. To hear His voice, be it ever so softly. Am I willing to stop striving for the wind? Will I quiet my thoughts enough to stop and treasure up all that Christ has done for me, taking time to ponder these things in my heart?
Lord, by Your Grace alone can I do these things. To stop striving and know that YOU are God.
soli deo gloria.
Comments
Post a Comment