A new week ushers in warm breezes, replacing the damp chill that had been blowing through our region in the past several weeks. I am thankful for these days, bringing in a lightness and freshness that is much needed.
I have not written in several weeks, have not felt able to write. Family visiting, blur of activity, old wounds revisited. My heart shuts down. Why is it that relationships can have such effect on my heart?
Just when I think that I am strong, I am brought down by a single word. A look. The fear of rejection, subtly wrapping straps around my heart. Losing freedom. I let it go and give room for despair. I need to preserve myself.
In this, I hide myself from the One who gives me true life-- and true freedom. I go mute, shamed into hiding from Him. Funny thing is, He always waits for me. "Love is patient..." begins the long list of the attributes of Love in 1 Corinthians. The attributes of God. Longsuffering. Why does He wait? For the same reason that He brings the sun up on everyone, whether or not they recognize that it is He who set the universe in motion.
I come out into the sunny day with the kids. It's as if we have been missing something-- the fresh air and the warmth releases new energy-- and life. Lydia runs to the rope swing that Steve tethered to the big tree next to our house and begins swinging, her body upside down and leg up. Abigail runs around the field, stopping to pick up leaves and bits of grass. Nathanael finds a stick and it becomes his light saber.
Lord, I'm back. Breathe your life in me.
#40 nathanael punching and kicking the air with a great big smile during his first karate class
#41 abigail jib jabbering non-stop on the phone with grandpa
#42 chats with my sister about motherhood, night wakings and breastfeeding
#43 deep pink dianythus buds coming back after the cold spell
#44 nate hitting on the first pitch of his first baseball game
#45 lydia thanking God for helping her to "figure out how to write..."!
#46 letters from penpals
#48 God's gentle voice
#49 remembering that He is carrying my children
I have not written in several weeks, have not felt able to write. Family visiting, blur of activity, old wounds revisited. My heart shuts down. Why is it that relationships can have such effect on my heart?
Just when I think that I am strong, I am brought down by a single word. A look. The fear of rejection, subtly wrapping straps around my heart. Losing freedom. I let it go and give room for despair. I need to preserve myself.
In this, I hide myself from the One who gives me true life-- and true freedom. I go mute, shamed into hiding from Him. Funny thing is, He always waits for me. "Love is patient..." begins the long list of the attributes of Love in 1 Corinthians. The attributes of God. Longsuffering. Why does He wait? For the same reason that He brings the sun up on everyone, whether or not they recognize that it is He who set the universe in motion.
I come out into the sunny day with the kids. It's as if we have been missing something-- the fresh air and the warmth releases new energy-- and life. Lydia runs to the rope swing that Steve tethered to the big tree next to our house and begins swinging, her body upside down and leg up. Abigail runs around the field, stopping to pick up leaves and bits of grass. Nathanael finds a stick and it becomes his light saber.
Lord, I'm back. Breathe your life in me.
#40 nathanael punching and kicking the air with a great big smile during his first karate class
#41 abigail jib jabbering non-stop on the phone with grandpa
#42 chats with my sister about motherhood, night wakings and breastfeeding
#43 deep pink dianythus buds coming back after the cold spell
#44 nate hitting on the first pitch of his first baseball game
#45 lydia thanking God for helping her to "figure out how to write..."!
#46 letters from penpals
#48 God's gentle voice
#49 remembering that He is carrying my children
Comments
Post a Comment